The first part of the test, I keep telling myself, confidence confidence confidence, with her motivating SMS, I must be calm and not nervous. And so...I went into a small room with the invigilator. The room has a dummy and those basic equipment. And so...I started. Suddenly the invigilator stopped me and interrupted, there I go. Whatever I had studied in my mind, what I should do next, all messed up. Then, I started to get nervous already, my mind start to go blank, everything start messing up. That's why I don't like to do practical test, especially when is not your interest, is hard to get things done. I think that's it, I screwed the first part already, very disappointing.

The invigilator spoke to me, and what I should have done. I just sat there and don't know what to do, he looked at me, and I looked at him. Then he said, he haven't mark the remaining parts of the practical. I almost want to give up already, I asked whether I could do everything all over again. Luckily, he decided to give me a second chance. And that's just the first part of the practical test, which I almost failed.

Went back to the waiting room after the first. Dare not go for lunch, scare will miss my turn. So...didn't had breakfast from 6am to 2pm, while waiting in the cold air con room with hunger and nervousness. Finally, my turn is called. This time, my invigilator is hell idiotic. He's so !@#$%^&*() and have grudge against my unit. He works at my camp MC, and whenever he hear about my unit, he will be so "F" up. The test haven't start, and he gave me so much hard time. Keep criticizing, insulting, giving negative comments, "36 here...36 there...", I really so !@#$%^&*() want to whack him. As an invigilator, he shouldn't say things that's not related to the test and affect the candidate from doing the test, is really not fair to the candidate. Keep saying, "No need to carry on already, straight away fail you, you are the worse I have ever seen in my service life". I really really cannot take it anymore, and I just told him, just fail me since that's his intention from the start, don't waste your time and my time. I rather fail now and come back next time with a DIFFERENT invigilator.

Nothing wrong right? Since he has that bad intention from the start, keep on insulting my unit, how to carry on? Then he's not happy, he asked if I want him to write "Attitude Problem" on my score sheet. Damn! I already very pissed off already, he still add on and add on, want to email to my CO and S3. What can I do? He's more senior than me, his rank higher than me...I really want to explode already. Then I just carry on do what I should do, since is already failed. I was just waiting for him to say, that's the end of it and I can leave already. It's so !@#$%^&*() unlucky yesterday.

As soon as I finished, I told my IC about it. He said this "M.F" has already been like that since long ago. He had so much grudges about our unit for many years, is not that we don't go down to his MC to help. When we go and help, his men has nothing much to do, and can shake legs there while we clear their "shits". That's one of the reason, another is, cox our unit is handling some explosive stuffs, we have to be "Always Ready for Ops". Imagine if we are in the MC, if got siren call, how to go back quickly?

After that, I sms her. I was really so sad, want to emo, sian of that "M.F", no mood of doing anything. that I don't even feel the hunger anymore. What I have in my mind, is to vent out everything. I know, when I go back to unit, there will have lots of problems coming to me already.

And so, I went for a run at Bedok stadium with her. I don't know how much I ran, all I can think of is what happened in the day, just keep on running and running, run till my legs cannot take it anymore. Her godpa came after that to train her SBJ, I thought after the exercises, she will go straight home in her godpa's car while I just go home with more disappointments. But she said she will wait for me at our usual place, and I walked my way there. We talked about my day, and some other stuffs. I was...I couldn't make myself look so depressed in front of her, I'm a guy after all. Is exactly the same feeling as her when she didn't make it for her NAPFA last week. I just...told her I'm okay after the run, but...ya that's a lie. I'm a weak guy I guess...

Spent whole day "locking" myself at home, friends asked me out but I turned down all, and I was tired of putting up a fake front in front of my mum. I mean, I don't wish to tell her about my problems anymore. I would rather just keep it to myself, if I tell her, she will like...“哎呀，欠它的，做还给它。” So what for bring it up? Wait keep on saying, she start scolding. It's so pointless...then...she SMS me that her friends are going to the Universal Studios tomorrow with her, whether I would join them. This was like arranged weeks before, just that haven't really confirmed. I so much wanted to join them, but...after what happened yesterday, is still bothering me, the mood isn't there. Another reason, I couldn't spend that much, mum will start nagging, saying I seems so rich keep spending money. If like that, we may start arguing. Damn! If only I'm rich, or being an officer whose salary has 4 digits per month...

Sigh...and so I just replied her I'm not going, couldn't give her the clear reasons why. I know she will feel disappointed, and I didn't really want to spoil her day for tomorrow. Not long, her SMS came and as we are going to meet again on Sunday, she will let me know, if not we can meet another time. Her text...I can sense like she's not okay, filled with disappointment. I really don't know how to reply her...this week...supposed to see her again for tomorrow and Sunday...but then...I don't know what's going to happen next. Yes, I don't deny, I do hope to be with her...for next week, I doubt I can meet her. Have rehearsals to do for the parade, thanks to my RSM, shoot me this arrow again. I guess I'm gonna miss her....

For tomorrow, I don't know how to spend my day. I don't want to stay at home seeing my mum, showing I'm okay. I want to go to places that doesn't require much to spend, but...I wish I could go out with her...oh well...guess...I will go to the places I planned to go with her tomorrow alone...