Things really doesn't go the way I thought, and it happened most of the times. I wanted to be the one making the initiations...but then...

It all started when I make a confession...

Our first outing, supposed to meet her at City Hall MRT control station, my intention was...when we meet up, I will suddenly hold her hand and walk our way to Marina Square. But then...it ended up meeting her outside the station, and she's on the phone with her godpa. Oh well...

After the dinner at Cathay's Popeye, we walked quite a long distance, from Cathay to City Hall to Bugis. Such a long distance...I still didn't manage to "surprise" her. Oh well...just see her home on that night.

Her first gift I bought for her, a pair of wristband, since she doesn't like flowers. I was hoping this gift, would motivate her, and she can use it to wipe her sweat when running 2.4km, instead of holding on to her collar when she run. But...she can't bear to wipe her sweat, alright then...

That day when she couldn't get Silver for her NAFPA, I know she's very upset and all I wanted to do is just stay by her side, lend her my shoulder to cry on. But then...she wanted to be alone and told me to leave first. Okay...

That night, when I bought her an empty box, my intention is to get her to open on the spot when I gave her. And when she open and see is empty, haha! This is the time I will tell her there's my "安全感" inside. However...she said better not to open in front of the person who gave, I was...."Plan failed". Oh well..

The other night which I was very pissed of the practical test, when we were chatting at the Park, I still thinking of holding her hands. Why do I keep having such weird intentions? However...it's just as usual, walked her home after that.

I don't know, is it because that day I couldn't go to USS, her text said maybe we will see each other once in a month in the future? Since we gonna be busy...I don't know if that's an excuse or what. I mean...even if busy, no matter what, still can meet up on weekends. Sigh...

Today is the 12th day since I last saw her. In one of these twelve days, I keep holding back not to SMS her, is really a painful and torturing way when all I could do is just think of her. Then one day...her text came. her "feelings" on me haven't fade, since she still thinks of me. Actually, most of the time I'm thinking about her too, the time we spent, her smile...and I thought I saw "Hope" again.

I keep thinking...and thinking...what I'm going to do when I see her again after so long. But...through SMS, she still got me to reveal my intention. Oh well...part of the plan failed, but...I thought it would be better to tell her what I was thinking when I see her, since is still part of the plan. Sigh...she wasn't feeling well, which I didn't expect. The things I wanted to tell her personally...is stated in my previous post.

Today morning I was really very stupid. I still went to the stadium to jog, but...why does my mind still thinks that maybe she will drop by the stadium. If she really does that, I will have a mix feeling of surprised and touched. But...I think too much already I guessed, the run wasn't good for me either. Suddenly there's a sharp pain on my right thigh, and my foot is so painful. Don't know why...probably my legs are tired.

Up to now, I still hope later I will see her before I book in, why? Why am I still having this hope? I thought of giving up on myself already, but why?

So many things I thought of, really didn't go the way I want it to be. I'm tired, seriously tired. But yet...I don't want to lose her, and lose that feeling....Sigh...